40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Adderall4All
Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Anustart!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Ape Gape
Better than POSTAL III
Rescued your loyal companion.
BioShocked
Spent $2000 on vending machines.
C U Next Tuesday
Survived Tuesday.
CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Cesar Millan is Very Happy
Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Chapelle's Show
Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Dick Message
Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Duck Dynasty
Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
FAB-U-LOUS!
Wore all three outfits.
Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Found 'em faster than GWB
Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
GABAGOOOOOL!
Reunited with an old friend.
Gary vs. The K. Man
Gettin DP'd
Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Ginger Mint
GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Gotta pay the Troll Toll
Harder than r/gonewild
Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs.
Here, Wilfred
Gained your first dog helper.
Hobo Sexual
Holocaust: Part Deux
Reunited with an old enemy.
Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.
I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire.
I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day.
I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb.
I'm not even supposed to be here today!
It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
Survived Thursday.
It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss.
John Rambo'd!
Ladies Love Cake
Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Michonne ain't got nothin' on me
Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
My Name is Jesus
Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Ode to Eddings
Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!
Survived Wednesday.
OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.
One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death.
Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
PooMasher
Pussy on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
R. Kelly's Protege
Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
RAFIBOMB!!!
Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Rain on your Wedding Day
Reunited with an old flame.
Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars.
Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Rich on Reddit
Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Screw Bill Lumbergh!
Survived Saturday.
SCREW that game!
Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
Survived Monday.
Taxidermy with Chuck Testa
Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days.
There's always money in the banana stand
Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad
Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.
Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Workin' for the Weekend
Survived Friday.
You are not alone
You Snow Nothing John Blow
Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.